


whisper of the heart

by xivz



Series: under the wind [2]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Eventual Romance, Getting Back Together, Hugs, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Post-Canon, Romance, Sappy, Sequel, They love each other, True Love, they're doing their best
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-01-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22376608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xivz/pseuds/xivz
Summary: "Baz," I say, my sight lingers on his plump mouth before moving to his eyes. We're in a room full of people yet I feel as if we're the only two in existence. As if that's what destiny intended, for the two of us to have only each other. He's my universe, my moon, my anchor. He's everything to me. An eternity with Baz by my side would never be enough, I'd follow him in the afterlife. If he'd let me.
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Series: under the wind [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610725
Comments: 30
Kudos: 224





	whisper of the heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [QueryingQuill](https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueryingQuill/gifts).



> Sequel to the mystery of love, although it can also be read as a standalone. Also, wrote this in one sitting, and it's unbeta'd... so please beware the errors.

**SIMON**

I’m in Dev’s flat, at Baz’s welcome home party. He’s been abroad for the last school year in Italy. Rome to be more specific. I haven’t seen him since his winter break when he came to mine and Penny’s New Year’s Eve party. I can still remember how fiercely he kissed me, how tightly I held him. My whispered confessions of how much I love him. His own of how much he loves me. I think about that night quite a bit. I told him that he should live his life, date, hook up (although I can’t help the rage that builds up at the idea of someone else touching him), do whatever made him happy.

Fuck, I still love him. We’ve been broken up for nearly a year now, but my feelings haven’t extinguished. We kept in touch, we texted and still followed each other on social media. He’s my best friend - not in the same way as Penelope - in a different, special, way. 

The party is in full swing and Baz hasn’t made an appearance yet. I doubt half of these people seriously know him, I’m willing to bet most of them are crashers who heard about this via a friend of a friend and decided to see how it would go. Not that I mind, I like people and being surrounded by others having a good time. It’s part of the reason why I enjoy bartending. 

I’ve gotten better, I am getting better still. I’m on antidepressants now - they also do wonders for my crippling anxiety - and I see a magical therapist once a week via Skype. It’s not perfect, but it’s something. I’ll never be perfectly okay, being groomed since childhood to be a soldier and to die kind of ensure some deep level of fucked up, but it’s okay to not be okay. 

I’m drinking sparkling water because Dev Grimm is extra as fuck and doesn’t believe in drinking normal water like everyone else. Lacroix cherry - it’s disgusting, but I don’t drink alcohol or caffeinated beverages anymore. Not if I can avoid it. 

Penny is in the corner of the room, talking to Shepard and a few students from Uni. I’m leaning against a wall, allowing the bass of the music to shake my core and taking the scene in. There have already been two different women try to pick me up. I may not exactly notice right away when someone is flirting with me, but they were a little tipsy and laying it on thick. Twice I've had to escort a woman back to her group of friends with a sympathetic smile. I’m not here for anyone else but Baz, even if he decides to ignore me all night. As long as I get to see him, to be in the same vicinity as him, after so long apart, I’ll be pleased. 

When Baz finally makes an appearance, he does so quietly. This surprises me because he’s always been one to make an entrance. Instead, he slips in, graceful as fuck. Moving as smoothly as oil over water - vampire skills. Neither Dev, Niall, Penny or Shep have noticed him yet, but I have. I think I’ll always know whenever Baz is in a room.

He grabs a tumbler and pours himself two fingers of scotch from a cheap bottle in the kitchen. Yet he doesn’t take a drink of it, instead, his gaze scans the room. 

There are quite a few people here, it makes the flat hotter than normal. I’m in a plain t-shirt and ripped jeans, my can of water still in my left hand as my right goes through my curls and tugs. It’s a nervous gesture, but I can’t help it. Especially not when I realize he’s staring back at me. 

I can feel my heart in my throat, and my mouth opens so that I can get more air into me. Suddenly the overly warm room is too hot for me. I licked my lips and nod at Baz, trying to calm my nerves. He looks fantastic - he always looks that way. In his floral button-up and cardigan and fitted jeans. Fuck me, his legs are so long. I had almost forgotten that. 

People stare at him as he passes by them, probably enthralled by the sight of him, by the smell of his cologne and the way that he moves. Or maybe that's just me. 

"Hey," I manage to spit out without stammering. Thank Merlin. My face is hot, so I know that my cheeks are stained red (and probably my ears too, because I'm a mess.)

"Snow," Baz says. His lips are formed into a smirk, he can probably hear how fast my heart is beating. He can probably smell the anxiousness wafting off of me. He has his head tilted down to me, his hair has gotten longer, almost brushing past his shoulders. He's lovely. 

I can't help but smile up at him. I want to reach over and touch him, but I don't. Would that even be appropriate? Would it be alright if I just grab him and kiss him like I want to? Because I want to, so much. 

"I've never known you to not make a grand entrance," I say. 

Baz hums, taking a brief sip of his drink (it probably tastes like piss), "I honestly was against this entire party. I just wanted to go out to dinner with a few close friends. Dev and Niall got it into their heads to go all out."

"So what? This is you sulking?" I ask. 

"I suppose I could do it in better company," Baz says. 

He's standing close to me, our shoulders are almost touching. He's leaning into me, our hair is almost tangled together. I can feel his breath across my cheek. 

"Baz," I say, my sight lingers on his plump mouth before moving to his eyes. We're in a room full of people yet I feel as if we're the only two in existence. As if that's what destiny intended, for the two of us to have only each other. He's my universe, my moon, my anchor. He's everything to me. An eternity with Baz by my side would never be enough, I'd follow him in the afterlife. If he'd let me. 

"Do you want to get out of here?" He asks. 

"You just got here," I say. Both of our voices are low, soft, meant only for each other to hear. "This is your party. Won't it be rude of you to leave unannounced?"

"I don't care much about that," he says. Our noses are touching now. "Runaway with me."

I swallow and nod, "let me just tell Penny."

"I'll be outside," Baz says, and he's gone. 

He's changed a bit in Rome. He's bolder. He wears confidence well - he always has, but now it's almost touchable. He's grown up a bit, without me (that's my fault). 

"Pen," I say as I finally manage to breach the crowd of people around her and Shepard. He's telling a heavily edited version of how they met, but it's causing the people around him to laugh and hang on to every word.

"Hey Si, you got here at the good part," Penny says. She's beaming, I've never seen her look this happy before. It makes me want to hug her tightly and maybe twirl her around. I don't, of course, she'd curse me if I did. 

"I'm leaving, " I say to her, leaning forward a bit to speak directly into her ear, "with Baz."

"Oh Simon," Penny sighs. She worries about me, I know she does. She's an amazing person. "Just be careful." I know she's talking about what happened in January. When Baz left again and I cried for a week.

"Yeah," I say, and then give her a soft kiss on the cheek, "I'll see you tomorrow." I wave to Shepard and leave the stuffy space. I don’t even spy Dev or Niall as I go, it’s just as well. 

Baz is waiting in front of the building, phone in hand. It’s warm outside too, but the summer breeze offers some relief. 

“Dev is angry that I didn’t say hello to him,” Baz says, “I told him that I wasn’t going to show up to begin with.”

We fall into step together until we get to the Jaguar. 

“Where are we going?” I ask as soon as I’ve belted up. 

“My place,” Baz says. Which means Fiona’s. 

“Your aunt’s not there, is she?”

He gives me a sharp smile that’s all trouble. It causes my insides to quiver and a shiver down my spine. I’m nearly breathless with anticipation. 

“Baz,” I huff. It’s not that I dislike Fiona (anymore) she and I get on just fine. But I haven’t heard or spoken to her since Baz and I separated last summer. Before he left. The last thing I want tonight is to have to deal with her endless harassment and teasing about the two of us being alone in his bedroom.

I’m getting far ahead of myself. Will we wind up in his bedroom? Will I end up in his bed with him? Is this too fast?

He chuckles and it’s like dark chocolate. A smooth velvety sound that has me wanting more. “No, she’s in Berlin on Coven business.”

He means _vampire slaying_. I wisely choose to stay silent on the matter. If Fiona is on the continent then that means he and I will be alone. Oh, Crowley. 

London’s traffic isn’t too bad, it’s typical. I watch the lights flash by us from passing buildings. I watch how Baz shifts the gears and eases into other lanes. I drink it all in. The car smells of leather and of him. His elegant hands hold onto the gearstick, thumb idly brushing against the side of it and causing me to shift in my seat. 

Neither of us breaks the comfortable silence that descended upon us. We’ve always been good at being quiet around each other, I’ve never felt the need to talk for the sake of it and neither has he. Although I do appreciate his voice. Baz basically breathes magic, and it shows by his perfect enunciation and clear tone, he’s mastered the English language. I wonder what he learned in Italy. My mind briefly reminds me of his Instagram clip from Halloween of him practically deep throating the neck of a bottle of wine. I had saved that video because I’ve got issues. My tail is twitching from where it rests against my thigh. 

Baz and I have never gotten that far, not exactly. Close, heavy hands and soft touches. But never with mouths or fingers or tongues. It’s my fault, I just couldn’t bring myself to do more. Therapy has helped me a lot over the year. And speaking to a professional has really made an improvement in how I view myself. 

We make it to Fiona’s within fifteen minutes, and by twenty we’re inside. I kick my shoes off - a habit that I’ve always had whenever coming over to the Pitch home. Baz does the same. 

“So, now that you’ve got me to a secondary location, what are we going to do?” I ask as I walk further into the living room. It’s tidy for once, which means that Baz cleaned as soon as he got back home. “You going to drain me dry and incinerate the corpse?”

I’m teasing, though I do jump when I realize that Baz is right behind me. Using his supernatural speed and silent steps to his favor. 

“Should I drain you, Snow?” He’s peering down at me, but there’s a small bell in his hands. 

“You’ll ruin my shirt if you do that,” I say. 

“Then you can borrow one of mine,” he says (which is bollocks since his clothes don’t fit me) and then he rings the bell because he’s an asshole. (Why did I miss him so much?)

  
**BAZ**

Simon Snow is standing before me looking glorious. He’s lost weight since I’ve last seen him. He looks well-rested and happier. I’m glad. He looks more corporal and less of a walking dead. The summer has been kind to him, his hair is back to its shiny bronze and his skin is golden and riddled with new freckles. I want to lick every square inch of him. 

It’s not as if I didn’t have the option of meeting other men in Italy. Or having sex with other men. Or going on dates. I did. Alessandro attempted to get me to see other people, Miguel tried to get me to go on dates, but I just couldn’t bring my heart to move on. I know that I’m attractive and I could have anyone - not to sound full of myself. But no one else is Simon. He is the other half of my soul, I love him with every part of me, with every atom, every molecule. I will always love just him.

His wings are arched behind him and he’s frowning at me heavily. I’ve missed the sight of them. I’ve missed _him_. His smell and his heartbeat. 

“You’re such an ass,” Simon says. He’s opening the flies of his jeans, and for a moment I’m perfectly still. I raise a brow as I watch his trembling hands, I can hear the capillaries on his face burst as he blushes. Then his tail is out and Simon is refastening himself. Pity. 

“So I’ve been told,” I say before shifting away from him. 

The only reason I snuck up on him, to begin with, was to frighten him, to hear the thundering of his heart and smell the spike of adrenaline in his scent. Only the adrenaline quickly leads to arousal (which is promising). I have this plan, a plot if you would. I am going to seduce my ex-boyfriend. It sounds like a terrible idea, it probably is a terrible idea, but I’ve been without him for so long that to have him in my arms again would bring me such tremendous joy. Even if it’s not sex, just to have him, to have Simon with me. I’d take him back in a nanosecond if he asks me, I’m that pathetic. 

The dim lighting of Fiona’s flat catches onto the plains of Simon’s body perfectly. The dip of his clavicle, the thickness of his thighs, the broadness of his shoulders, the squareness of his jaw. When I saw him earlier at Dev’s place, I felt like a moth to a flame. Hypnotized and willing to burn.

I would still burn for him now, in this very living room. I’d go up as quick as flash paper and out as fast as smoke. 

His wings flare, and everything is momentarily doused in a shade of red. They tremble and flap once before settling against his shoulder blades. I’ve been meaning to ask him if he’d like a drink or to eat something, but my words are locked up in my chest as I take him in. After six months of texting and following his social media, to have him before me is overwhelming. 

I idly twist a lock of my hair around my finger, caught up in one of our staring contests. It’s always been this way, neither of us wants to look away first. I’m not sure why... at least I’m not sure for him. I love the sight of Simon, I’d stare at him until the end of days if I could. 

Instead of being a gracious host like my stepmother taught me to be, the words that tumble out of my mouth are not what I expect them to be. 

“Back in January, you said that you still loved me,” I find myself saying. “Is that still true?”

Simon juts his chin at me, his tail is wrapping itself around his thigh and his hands clench and unclench. “I - yes, of course. I’ve never stopped. I - I don’t think I ever will.”

My stomach tightens at the implications. We’re only twenty-one, and what he’s insinuating is heavy. I swallow and worry my lower lip - a trait I picked up from him. 

“Never?” I ask, my voice is small. 

_He_ broke up with _me_ \- and he sobbed while he did it. He cried when he kissed me in January, he held on to me tight, refusing to let me have an inch of space away from him. He made me spend the night, wrapped up in each other. Breathing each other’s breaths and tracing patterns into the other’s skin. It was intimate, it felt like love then. I’ve been worried that time apart has warped those memories.

“Baz,” Simon is coming closer to me. Ever the fearless one, always ready to march into battle. 

My gaze is on the wooden floor beneath our feet. On his ridiculous socks with the taco pattern on them, on my own black and gray striped ones. His hands are warm, I can feel them through the fabric of both my cardigan and shirt, a searing heat that leaves a mark on me. 

His fingers are in my hair and he’s on the tips of his toes as he leans up and kisses me. Soft, delicate, as if I’m made of glass. There’s a sharp spark there between us, like fireworks. When he pulls away, his lips are slightly damp and mine are tingling. 

“I should have asked first,” he says, his blue eyes (honestly, I don’t know why I’ve always lied to myself and called them boring, they’re so vibrant) searching my face imploringly. “I’m sorry, I just, I’ve been wanting to do that since I saw you back at Dev’s.”

His fingers are soothing my hair off of my shoulders, tucking strands behind my ears and seeming to just revel in the fact that they can touch me.

“I still love you too,” I manage to finally say after a long moment. 

“I haven’t seen anybody else,” Simon suddenly says. The words slurred together quickly, “I mean. I know I said it was okay for you to date around - and it is! - but I never, I mean, I’m single. No one else is interesting to me. No one else can compare to you, Baz. You’re - you’re just - you’re like the moon and I’m the tide.” His face is bright red with embarrassment. 

“That is the sappiest thing that you have ever said to me,” I say, but my heart is warm and I want to smile down at him.

Simon furrows his brows at me, “it doesn’t make it any less true. If anything I’d have thought that you’d appreciate it, with how soft you are.”

“Maybe if you said it in a fully coherent sentence,” there’s no bite to my words. 

My hands find their way onto Simon’s waist. His shirt is ripped on the back now because of what I did, so I touch his skin. Tracing his freckles from memory, and then slowly dragging my touch along his wing joints. It causes them to spread slightly as if asking for more attention. 

“Fuck off,” Simon says into my throat as he falls into me. “I love you.”

It’s good to hear, it’s good to feel. His breath is hot against my neck and his hands are still in my hair. His tail is wrapped around my thigh. We’re holding onto each other, pressed together from foot to knee to hip to the chest. I want to get closer still, I want us to share one body. I want us to be this way for as long as he’ll have me. I press my cheek against his crown. 

“What does this mean for us?” I ask after a few minutes of silence. It’s not that I want to break the moment, it’s that I need to know. What’s the surety in this? There’s always the chance that he’ll break my heart again. It’s a chance I’m willing to take, no matter how much it’ll hurt. 

Simon pulls away to look up at me, he frowns and then pulls away completely. I let him go. “I fucked a lot up last year. It wasn’t ever you, you’re so good, Baz. I’m still going through a lot, I’m kind of damaged goods. But, but, if you’d have me back. I promise I’ll never break up with you again, I don’t want to spend any time away from you like that ever again.”

I close my eyes for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. And then I’m smiling, bigger than I usually do. I probably look like a numpty. 

“Yes,” I say.

Simon gives me a wide-eyed look, “yes?”

“Of course I’ll take you back, you perfect nightmare,” I say. I don’t tell him that I was waiting for him to ask. With Simon it’s always a game of patience, he’ll eventually find his own way if you are willing to wait. 

He’s back on me, lips on mine. Soft and sweet and pressing. My plan to seduce him falls to the wayside, it doesn’t matter anymore. Not when he’s here. Simon Snow is in love with me, he wants to be with me (forever, I hope), and he’s in my arms. Finally.

**Author's Note:**

> The soundtrack to this fic can be found **[here](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/69ge8mjc6IiYKQWaqbikRh)**!.
> 
> Come say hi to me on **[tumblr](https://moonllotus.tumblr.com/)**!


End file.
